3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize