I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
