Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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