I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
