Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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