i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
