Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
