proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
