I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
