so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
