When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
