Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
