Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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