When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
