No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
