The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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