Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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