when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
