I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
