just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
