You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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