Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
