I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
