Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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