he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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