I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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