Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
