butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
