i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
