There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
