I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
