Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
