i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
