i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
