i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
