is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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