Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
