I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
