It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
is it fun? or sober?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
