Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
