'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
whose parrot is this?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
