Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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