Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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