Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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