wrigley field is MILF paradise
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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