A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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