Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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