tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
