Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
