I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
