Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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