I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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