All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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