Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
