Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
