I hate all girls vehemently.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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