i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
false alarm. still invincible.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
