just come out here and I will go home with you...
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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