Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
