I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
