Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
