This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
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