you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
