I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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