Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
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I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
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had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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