i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
