Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We left the knife in your bed.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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