I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
it's great music for shaving your balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize