I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
