Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
