Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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