you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
